Decisions, decisions….hmmm, what’s next?

I’m feeling good about mine right now—where I’m going with work and life and business and all. However, it is pretty easy to second guess things sometimes, and that’s how I occasionally get stuck in the idea phase of life (rather than the action phase).

I remember talking to my Mom about making decisions when I was younger. I think I was a senior in high school at the time. There was a period of time when she was having health issues (she a diabetic) and was home all day. So everyday when I got home from school I’d just get her out to the backyard or hang out on the veranda or take her out for a walk……and we’d talk. I remember talking about how maybe the best approach to life (to avoid stress and agonizing over decisions) would be to just pick categories you want to be in—the ones that feel good and right for you. And also what I want to do after high school (to go overseas to further my studies). Then, just use those things as guides when making decisions.

Once you boil decision-making down to that—it’s pretty simple (or at least straightforward).

Let’s say you want to be honest, happy, in good physical shape, a healthy eater, sincere, compassionate…..etc.

When you’re faced with a choice, consider: What would a person who was in all of those categories do?

Plus, what feels best in your gut/heart?

Whatever it is, do that.

Do you remember the last time you agonized over a decision for days and days? Did that agonizing help you at all? Would it have been better to just assess the situation quickly and make a choice? 

I love my Mom’s approach. I refer to it often.

When faced, in any moment, with a choice…

Make a Decision – then – Make it Right

I’m getting a lot better at this these days! This the same exact approach that I am doing with getting into my business and running it. I’m trying not to read into things as much either. It’s a lot less stressful, even if sometimes I’m just going along Doing Things without really knowing what the outcome is going to be. There are no guarantees anyway, right?

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got lots of hobbies and interests outside of business. I love my aquarium and fish keeping that I have been doing since I was a little boy. There are few things in life which give me more joy than a trip to the theatre (I won’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve seen Star Wars). I love most sports and in many ways, I live for holidays with my family and enjoy travelling all over the world.

But none of these things has anything to do with building my business

If my business did not make any profit, then I could not afford to provide value for my customers or invest in the future of either of those things. Every business should operate with the intention of creating profitable revenue. But, unfortunately, there are far too many that don’t regard making a profit as being important. In fact, some of them would even go as far as considering profit to be a dirty word that they are ashamed of needing.

If you fall into one of those categories, please bear with me a little longer. I am not saying that you can’t run a small enterprise that just pays for itself, simply because you enjoy it. Of course, you can. In fact, I love the idea that a person’s passion (or hobby) can become self-sustaining. I simply don’t consider that to be a business.

One dictionary definition of a business is ‘a person, partnership, or corporation engaged in commerce, manufacturing, or a service; profit-seeking enterprise or concern’. I would simply add to this description that, “there is no status quo – a business that is not growing is shrinking” meaning that the venture must be profitable.

Can money make you happy or not?

All I know is that money allows you to do things. Whether it is money, you have earned and use to look after and provide for your family, or profit within the business. When you have created a profitable business, it can be used to acquire better quality product and provide a higher standard of service. You could also choose to make charitable donations to support people that are battling unfair circumstances. Or you could invest in the next generation of young people or your own kids that are eager to support this great country of ours through business.

A profitable business supports the growth of the economy (I do not want to get too political – so I’ll leave that there) and helps the local community with jobs and services. There really is so much good that a well-run, income-generating, profit-making business can achieve. And yet still, many consider making profits to be immoral and unethical – especially in “our hobby” (I will just leave it at that due to the IP issues). It’s a debatable subject in “our hobby” but to me……it’s not where you coming from….it’s where you going with it.

Maybe this is not the accepted wisdom, but perhaps there is some good (dare I say happiness) to be found in running a successful business (making money) after all…

Getting back to hobbies…

Whatever you enjoy doing in your spare time, and however you like to spend your hard-earned wages, I sincerely hope that it does bring you happiness. I would also urge you to consider, however, how much good you could do by getting involved in some profit-making enterprise or other. You might just find that you enjoy that too and that it makes a genuine difference to your life and the lives of those you love the most.

During a session with my former partner, one of our friends posited a theory: that we were all perfectionists and that was a big part of our problem. I thought he was crazy—about the problem part, not the perfectionism—and I protested mightily.

Two years later, I can see that he was right.

I’ve thought a lot about that insight since then. It changed my perception of my own perfectionism, which I used to wear as a badge of honor. Nowadays, when I start to feel dissatisfied or angry, I first check in with myself to see if the cause is the fact that a person or situation is different from what I envisioned as “perfect.” I’ve been surprised at how many times that disparity is the culprit underlying my discontent.

Of course, perfectionism has its benefits, especially in work, where it motivates over-achievers to pursue high standards and new visions. Perfectionists are driven to improve and innovate. They are disciplined and detail-oriented; both of which are critical in professions where there is no margin for error.

Culturally, we prize perfectionism; Steve Jobs and Martha Stewart are frequently credited with insisting that their teams strive for perfection. We don’t usually talk about the impact of working with a control freak or the collateral damage to creativity.

The problem arises when perfectionists take things too far. In our term language – “screen accurate”. They set standards that are impossible to meet and then devalue work that doesn’t meet the impossible standards. It’s a toxic loop considering now is 2016 versus 1977.

This article identifies three different kinds of perfectionism:

1. Self-oriented perfectionism, in which individuals impose high standards on themselves
2. Socially prescribed perfectionism, where individuals feel others expect them to be perfect
3. Other-oriented, in which individuals place high standards on others.

Most people have some combination of these, with varying emphasis on one. All three types, left unchecked, are potentially fatal to partnerships. Why? Because everyone has their own version of perfectionism—and its very nature prevents partners from melding them into one vision. It can also become an impediment to effective leadership, because the time and neurosis required to make something “perfect” comes at the high cost of flexibility, responsiveness, creativity, and cooperation.

Self-oriented perfectionism is problematic because it can lead to obsessiveness; inefficiency; and a multitude of serious mental health issues that affect attendance, performance, and morale. You’ll often see a perfectionist procrastinate because she’s afraid of failing before she starts. Alternatively, she may position herself as a martyr, “the only one” who cares/thinks/works enough about getting things “right.”

When one partner can’t let go of a particular vision, or doesn’t value her own work product, it puts her partner(s) in the difficult position of arguing against a perceived, but ultimately unattainable, notion of greatness. Conflict about the value of work product is an express ticket to mistrust. The deep fear and insecurity that underlie perfectionism inevitably also impair open, authentic communication.

Socially prescribed perfectionism also threatens business partnership. It doesn’t take long for a partner to buckle under the pressure of unrealistic expectations. It’s hard to ask for help when you believe that it will be interpreted as a sign of weakness or incompetence.

Other-oriented perfectionism may be the worst of all, though. Partners who have one or more of these types of perfectionists in their midst will face a lack of empathy and forgiveness when they make mistakes. One partner may fear open communication because expressing his real feelings or thoughts will disappoint the other person.

I’m not sure there is a balanced approach to perfectionism. Having both coped with my own perfectionism as well as someone else’s, I’ve experienced first-hand that its rigidity is difficult to work with and build on, especially in a team or partnership setting. The insistence on a perfect solution doesn’t make space for the messy business of collaboration, which is what a partnership is. Because perfectionists tend to both expect and dole out criticism, it alienates them from partners who can offer support and encouragement.

What can you do to overcome perfectionism?(If you’re not sure you’re a perfectionist, try taking this test.)

• Cultivate mindfulness by asking yourself if your disappointment over an outcome is actually rooted in your perfectionism.
• Practice accepting imperfection—in yourself and in your partners.
• Acknowledge effort—on your part and on the part of your partners.
• Embrace iterative processes; there are almost always chance to improve upon your work.
• Invite feedback. If the prospect of criticism terrifies you, ask your partner(s) to give you constructive feedback regularly so you can get used to hearing it without feeling judged.

How have you dealt with perfectionism in yourself or in a partner? Tell me about it in the comments.